


How Crowley Discovered America

by AkiraHakuro



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Crowley can’t read maps, Ineffable Husbands (Good Omens)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-02
Updated: 2020-03-02
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:54:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 465
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22991281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AkiraHakuro/pseuds/AkiraHakuro
Summary: Today’s prompt: *cracky historical events!* Crowley and Aziraphale have been mushy idiots for over 6000 years! What are some bizarre dumpster fire situations they have gotten themselves into? For example: maybe Marie Antoinette wasn’t the one to say “let them eat cake”... perhaps it was a hungry angel, sneaking through the castle kitchens? 😂 go wild y’all!!
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 2
Kudos: 12





	How Crowley Discovered America

**Author's Note:**

> I live for historical AUs of these two, but figured a rousing game of Two Truths and a Lie would stump yet entertain two celestial beings. Enjoy!

During one winter evening after the apoconot, an angel and a demon hopelessly in love, were hopelessly knackered from too many bottles of Port. As such, Crowley has one of his more brilliant stories to tell, but needed a way to get Aziraphale to pick at it.

“Angeeeelllll...angel! I’ve got a game! These humans, they call it...*hiccup* two truths and a lie! You start!” 

Aziraphale stopped giving him dreamy looks and put a finger to his chin, thinking of how to play this game.

“Aha ok! So....I like pie...I love cookies...and I like cheese..”

Crowley gives him a look, lowering his shades to leer at. “Angel, those are all truths.”

“Not so. I LOVE cheese, not like. See? It’s the lie!” he giggled. 

“You brat..” Crowley teases, downing another glass of port. “Fine. Here’s how it’s done...tell me the lie, angel. I created the selfie on a dare from Beelzebub. I accidentally aided Columbus in discovering America. Or, I made penny candy more expensive than it should be.”

“Of course you didn’t discover America, dear boy. That’s the lie.”

“Incorrect, angel. Penny candy wasn’t my bag. Humans can be so stingy with their sweets. At least kids got something out of-“

“Crowley! You...you discovered a continent?!” He set his glass down and was focusing now. For what he could. “Explain.”

The demon grinned, cracking his knuckles.  
“So I was minding my own business in the Spanish court, when I came upon Columbus drunk and bitching how he wanted to go to India but had no map. I was given a few maps to run traders on a goose chase. I meant to give him the one for India, but I have him the wrong one. Then this ass comes back saying how he discovered a new land and how vast it is and spreads all this crap about gold and fountains of youth. Nothing of the sort! So...yeah.”

Aziraphale looked at him for a solid minute, then throws a pillow at him.  
“Those were my maps you were given. You said they were for your own purposes!”

“And they were! I just couldn’t read and gave the piece of shit the wrong one. Not a cartographer, angel.. Buuuut, technically, this means we *both* helped. In a way. Not with the bad shit he did no....no fan of that mind you..”

“Oh my..” Aziraphale rubbed his head. “That’s a lot to gather...” The angel walked over to Crowley and sat next to him, laying his head on his shoulder.

“Quite a game this is. I’m afraid to even continue lest I find out more about you.” Crowley smiled at the closeness and looked around the bookshop, feeling more at home than anywhere else.

“Humans are so creative.”


End file.
